Becoming a Corporate Drop-Out
Five years ago I officially became a corporate dropout.
Despite having dreamed about leaving it all behind, I never had the courage to act, security and survival my driving force. I was stuck in the familiar tale of anxiety, burnout, overwhelm, and this grieving sense of purposelessness. Blowing up my life was a catalyst from an unrelated personal implosion (hindsight: they were definitely related). Everything was ripped apart at the seams- work, relationships, myself. Like a tightly wound ball of yarn being forced to surrender in a seemingly endless fall, I was surrounded by pieces of shrapnel, unsure if it would ever be safe to land.
Then, the world started to fall apart. It was like watching a parody of my tiny existence on the world stage – except it wasn’t funny. The delicate stitches keeping the wool over our collective eyes started to come lose and tear. I watched in horror as the truth that I remembered somewhere deep in my bones forced itself to the surface. It wasn’t just my security being threatened, this was a reckoning of human kind – and it’s still unfolding, as am I.
As we as a species confront old wounds of scarcity and fear, I too journey the underworld. The dark crevices I find myself in always seem to be a reflection of the collective experience. Our world is built on generations of exploitation, extraction, greed, and fear. As I meet my ancestors and hold compassion for their experiences, it becomes no wonder that the world we’ve built reflects the trauma of those who came before us. Our foundation is rotten, unstable, a quintessential house of cards.
It's brutal out here. I often feel raw and exposed. I continue to dive deeper, navigating this Plutonian death and decay with 3 core tenants:
Building Trust. I treat my tenderness as a sanctuary. I take action when I can in ways that I can, and retreat when I must, listening to the cues from my body. I’m not exempt or hiding from anything - I’m trusting myself. These various iterations of expansion + contraction personally and collectively is how I’ve built a relationship of trust with myself.
Remembering My Wholeness. I’m doing my best to navigate the shadows that live beyond my conscious awareness. Being sabotaged by stories, patterns, and limitations that were passed on or thrust upon me is the norm. It’s the practice of remembering what’s buried beneath the rubble, that I’m not broken, that reveals my wholeness.
Divine Communion. Call it Source, Divine, Nature, the Universe, God/Goddess… it’s that. I hold faith in something bigger, it encompasses not only our human journey, but all that is, and it can hold me when I can’t. And when faith feels unobtainable, I ask it to come find me, and then I let go and surrender to the great mystery of it all (and it’s rarely as easy as that - it’s the ultimate lesson for those of us that like control).
This journey is my sacred work, and it’s a lifetime experiment. My way isn’t the ‘right way’ or the only way, but it’s how I relate to my human experience. I’m the type that needs to find my own way, no matter how many times I stumble.
Building Trust, Remembering my Wholeness, and Divine Communion have made it possible for me to move forward, inch by tiny inch, as I find myself confronted with pain, atrocities, and an overwhelming grief for the world we have created (and the natural world we slowly destroy). We have to be able to stand in the fire if we want to transform, and I know I will not be satisfied with anything other than the alchemy of our pain and suffering. My determination is a glimmer of hope. I know I’m not the only one. I know the change makers and liberators are diving deep into the darkness with me. We do it alone and yet we do it together.