Creating.
Let’s create something new. That’s what I’m hearing. Let’s create something new and not be concerned with the achievement paradigm that comes with creating. You know, this idea that there’s something to accomplish, that there’s a right or wrong way, that there’s a good or bad creation. There needs to be a way to let go and release…’stuff’... without having boundaries or inhibitions. Without getting hung up on achievement. Words it is I suppose.
This isn’t the way I imagined this would go, sitting here with a desire to create and letting a stream of consciousness lead the way. But then again, when do things ever turn out as I expect? Expect = expectations. Boy has that ever become a dirty word. I don’t think there’s anything wrong expecting something, otherwise what’s the point? For every action there’s a reaction. It’s science. I’m thinking that it’s not so much about letting go of expectation, but MY expectation. The ‘world according to Kerrie’ expectation. That things will play out in a way that I think is the desired outcome. As history would prove, I don’t always know what it is I desire, otherwise disappointment would be a foreign word to me. It’s not. That’s where shit gets tricky. First there’s this whole surrender to the flow of life idea, which is oodles of work on its own. Trusting in the process, letting go of any control I may think I have on the situation or outcome, allowing life to unfold as it will. Easy, sure [said the robot]. Then there’s the external factors. I’ve decided what I want based on a construct that has been taught to me - I want to be successful, I want to have a family, a 401K, look perfect, be perfect, fart glitter. I want those things because without them, what else is there? Scary thought to have to figure out what else there could be outside of the prescribed context of life.
One of the more profound offerings I’ve received is the idea that it’s not about what I want, but my desired FEELING. For example, it’s’ easy to say I want more money - but what’s the feeling I want to get from having more money? If I think that higher digits in my bank account are going to equate to a sense of fulfillment, I’m going to be pretty disappointed (re: aforementioned expectations). The reality would be it’s not money I’m after, it’s what I think having money will make me feel. If I think it’s going to make me feel fulfilled, I should hold my breath for glitter farts. What I want is to be able to do the things I want to do, to have a sense of freedom. Therefore, I flip the script: I desire whatever amount of money will allow me to move freely. Now it’s about how I want to feel. See what I did there?
Anyway, somehow I seem to think this ties into the idea that I want to create something. Oh right. Why do I have a little voice telling me to create something - what am I hoping to feel from creation? Would you look at that, I had a point. You know, I’m not really sure - at least that’s what my vacant gaze staring out the window seems to be telling me. I think I want to feel unstuck. I want any stagnation to ride on through me like a surfer riding a wave. Is it going to work? I have no idea. But it can’t hurt to try, right? Ergo, here we have today’s creation. I’ve brought these words into the world and put them here to exist. Creation. Tada! Am I feeling unstuck? I don’t think I’ll know that quickly. That would be cool though. Voila! Glitter farts!
Either way, here it is. Choose to be unimpressed. I am. But at least I made something.
Giving it a go,
Kerrie