Building a Village
This past weekend I had the honor and privilege to spend a long weekend in a house nestled within the Wenatchee Mountains in Washington with 11 amazing and utterly spectacular humans. The true phenomena is that they’re my friends. The mystery of my life has landed me amongst a group of humans that I can’t believe I get to call my people.
HOW I GOT HERE
If you could take a train tour through my life like one of those rides at Disney World my disbelief might make more sense. Toxic relationships were like my calling card. Whether it was the people I didn’t get a choice in or the ones I did, it’s fair to say I had zero examples of a healthy relationship, ergo, I chose fuckery. Like really does attract like. I imagine most people would throw themselves at the mercy of the train conductor to get off the ride (unless you enjoy that squirmy cringey sensation or are the type who can’t look away from a dumpster fire - no judgement - I’ve never been one to shy away from darkness).
The scene that first came to me when I was playing with this imagery of my early life as a Disney ride was from Dumbo. Whereas my mom never rocked me in her trunk from behind bars, that feeling of wanting something/someone inaccessible or unavailable rings with a stinging truth. The tenderness of that scene is the juxtaposition to the parts of me that crave connection but have no idea how to ‘do it.’ The parts that know it requires vulnerability have been met with my protective parts that are really freaking good at their job. In their work to keep out the things that hurt, they’ve also kept out that which deeply nourishes.
I’m not going to use this space to go into the lifelong journey of healing attachment trauma, despite the energetic leaning in I can sense you’re doing to hear more. Instead, I’m choosing to celebrate that if who we are is a reflection of the people around us, holy shit. I’m someone spectacular, too. It may have taken 36+ years to get here, but after this weekend I know it’s all been worth it. What we’re building together is something extraordinary, and it’s mind blowing that I get to be a part of it.
OUR VILLAGE
We gather to share ourselves and our unique gifts and talents with each other. To be witnessed in our beauty and our messiness, and, of equal importance in this hard fucking life, to PLAY. To be in joy without shame. The problems of our lives and the world aren’t going anywhere, so what if we dared to take some time to just be in a wee bit of pleasure?
We also do work, work for ourselves that I pray filters out as a healing balm into the world. We’re a group that don’t shy away from doing the deep stuff, from getting our hands dirty and kicking over rocks to reveal what’s been hidden underneath. We have a lot of Grief Tenders and Grief Walkers amongst us, which is such a blessing to always save a seat for grief at the table of life.
We have IFS practitioners and Family Constellation facilitators and Song Catchers and Ceremony holders. We have Shamanic Wisdom Tenders and Creativity Curators and Yogic Tradition Keepers. We have Disability and Equality Educators and Earth Warriors. Most of all, we are all adept Students of Life.
We are redefining what it means to be in community, to love each other. It feels old, yet new. It’s still an experiment, but it’s already life-changing. New pathways and portals of possibility are emerging from ruin and rubble.
I’m still met with challenges through it all, but I don’t just lean in, I stand two feet firmly planted in the fire of discomfort because my heart tells me this connection, this belonging, this love, is worth it. We are worth it. You are worth it. I am worth it.
photo cred: Berries & Brambles
p.s. if I’ve gotten you all hot and bothered with the attachment trauma stuff and you’re craving a lil dumpster fire, I wrote this back in 2019. From a literary perspective it’s kind of all over the place, and yet, I refuse to change it aside from a footnote because it feels like it’s exactly what it’s supposed to be. Anyway, blessings on your adventure if you choose to embark on that journey.